thatcouldhavebeenyou asked: I just found your blog. I love your style! Very funny!
Thanks! Oliver and the Maestro crack me up, too :)
Concerning Oliver Creskin: Part 2
Name: Oliver Charles de Vigny-Creskin
Born: October 12, 1962, Dusseldorf, Germany
Height: 5 ft 8 in
Weight: 190 lbs
Father: Charles Dirk de Vigny-Creskin of Brussels, Belgium
About: Alcoholic, unemployed actor. “Off-brand” handsome, in other words, he has more than one good angle, but not every angle is good. Expressive eyes and a humorous mouth. Women often assume he is flirting with them.
Parents were never married. Raised by his father in Munich and various locations in the Bavaria Alps. Oliver’s father suffered a brain aneurism and died when Oliver was twelve. Oliver was adopted by his “uncle,” of undetermined distant blood relation, Robert Licklici, a wealthy American businessman residing in Baden-Baden on contract and his wife, Jane. The couple already had a biological son, Robert Jr. (“Bo-Bo”), two years younger than Oliver. Both boys received excellent educational opportunities with extensive private tutoring in the arts. Oliver’s academic record was unremarkable, save for the subject of drama, in which his instructors praised his enthusiasm. Oliver excelled in the luge and on the bocci courts. At age 16, Oliver was sent to The Boys Academy for the Arts, a prestigious boarding school on New York’s Lower East Side. He was made to believe that his adopted family would follow him to New York at a later and more convenient date, but they did not, and on his 18th birthday he inherited a small trust and began his adult life. He began courses at Juilliard, but did not complete his first semester and did not return.
hundredwordsinhell asked: I'd love to see some more flash fiction from you, like One Man Space Program. Not much makes me laugh aloud, but that was hilarious.
Thanks! Your piece about Kessler and the captain’s corpse was so well written -it really stood out to me :)
It was not immediately clear to Jonathan what hit the maestro in the face, as he watched it transpire on the monitor backstage. It came tumbling through the air, a fluid, flesh colored object of shimmering silk and landed squarely on Maestro Dreshevsky’s face, as he turned to the audience for his final bow. He staggered from the podium, disoriented and flailing.
Jonathan cried out, instinctively, “He’s hit!”
One Man Space Program
Daddy was an astronaut in a one man space program. Unfortunately, he was a very inadequate astronaut, working in a very inadequate space program and so he was lost in space. It was our family’s first real tragedy and we commemorate it annually on November 12 with Daddy In Space Day.
Concerning Oliver Creskin: Part 6
Criminal record: DUI, disorderly conduct and assault with a deadly weapon (for which he spend 7 months in jail). The DUI occurred at the midway point between a favorite local drinking establishment and his home and could have “happened to anyone.” The arrest for disorderly conduct occurred in New York, as a result of having thrown a petit-four at Leonard Bernstein and could “only have happened to him.” Various other scuffles with law enforcement have been erased thanks to his friendship with San Francisco Mayor Bradford Fox. The assault charge came years later when he tried to stab the very same Mayor Fox with a rapier in his office at City Hall and was tackled by fourteen large security agents.